Varieties Of Anxiety

The different types of anxiety that I wrote about also differ in the way that they manifest themselves. Separation anxiety is the consequence of deep distress at being separated from someone, which makes sense. This is why obstetric and paediatric practice these days is to ensure that mum and dad have the maximum possible access to their child when a hospital admission is necessary, so that feelings of abandonment are avoided as far as possible, and there is little or no long term effect in most cases. But separation anxiety is also common in everbody's life; it is a major component of that complex web of emotions which we call grief. A much loved partner, parent, grandparent, child or important other is snatched away by death and there is no hope (in this life) of reuniting. It may also come about as the result of a miscarriage or a marriage or relationship breakdown. The main way in which it is likely to manifest as a continuing problem in adolescent or adult life is in inappropriate behaviour to avoid a repetition of the experience. I'm thinking particularly here of people who have a pattern of breaking off relationships or friendships which to an outside observer seem to be developing well. They are, and therein lies the threat. So, get your retaliation in first; that way the pain is less. I am the eldest of three brothers. Six years ago, not yet sixty, my youngest brother fell ill and very shortly died. It came out of the blue. My other brother, once the funeral was over and we were all setting off for our various homes suddenly looked at me and only half-jokingly said " Right. i'm going to die next. I couldn't go through that again." I suppose I should be touched that my death would hit him that hard. Instead I thought, "typical of the selfish bastard!"

Existential anxiety is different. It hits you out of nowhere coming at you like a Formula 1 car going flat out. Why? Because in your past, probably in your early years something or things happened to you, or more likely, were done to you that were way too big to let go of, but way too big to handle. So your mind - the part Freud labeled the subconscious - stepped in to protect you. It buried them where you couldn't feel them, or only vaguely and tolerably, and you were able to survive. But at a price. That pain, anger, shame, guilt, despair festered and fermented, if you like, a build-up of emotional magma that one day would erupt. In the contemporary world events occur which trigger potentially dangerous memories and emotions; the eruption must be stopped at all costs. The result is blind panic, everything gets bottled up again and life, such as it is continues.

There's a problem here. I like analogies, so I'll turn to one here from my hiking days. You're out in wild country and you come across a river in full spate. It's not that deep but the power of that rushing water is tremendous. Your destination requires you to get to the other side. It's too wide to jump across and then is no bridge for miles in either direction. The hard fact: you can't go over it; you can't go under it; and you can't go round it. You have to go through it to reach your destination. The same is true of those buried traumas. There's no way over, under or round them. The only way to health is to go through them and it's going to be no easier and no more pleasant than wading that ragining torrent.

That's why you need skilled, experienced professionals; they are the walking poles that will allow you to keep your balance and get to the other side. That and a load of friends shouting support and encouragement.

There's more than enough to chew on there, so I'll pause now. Next time I'll say a little bit more about this, and then we'll turn to the easy one, situational anxiety.